


A Pines Classic

by Northern_Nightmare



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: PRAISE THE DORITO, dont take this seriously, hell is screaming in a bathroom, hes both, i didn't put any effort into this tbh, or cornchip, the good die young - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:24:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8319025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northern_Nightmare/pseuds/Northern_Nightmare
Summary: Ford discovers Dipper and Mabel showing Soos a good ol Pines family game...Only problem? Ford has never heard of this game in his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Oops.
> 
> Based off a certain video. A Colt Classic adapted to gravity fall characters

 

Boots crunched against the dead plant life on the ground, the only other sound beside Fords breathing and....the sounds of a fire?

Stanford Pines prided himself on not being easy to scare but this whole ordeal was unnerving to say the least. He was curious though and headed towards the sound of wood burning. He expected to see faeries or maybe even gnomes having some sort of party.

He did not expect to see the sight that was in front of him.

Dipper and Mabel looked over at their gruncle, Dipper was just finishing tying a rope to the oak tree and was staring at his uncle like he was just caught stealing from a cookie jar. The problem with the rope was not the knot, that was well done.

No...

The problem was Soos was tangled in the other end that was draped over a branch and, like some sort of pinata or a hammock he couldn't escape from. He seemed happy however and attempted to wave at Ford. He was only a meter above the campfire.

"Hey Mr.Pines!" He sounded utterly calm about the situation.

Mabel ran up to Ford with an ear to ear grin. "Gruncle Ford! You're just in time to watch!"

"Watch what...?" He blinked, confused.

"Oh! A ritual!" Mabel said as if it was the most common thing ever and how could Ford not understand, psh what a dork.

Dipper ran up, holding a book with spikes on the cover labeled 'Dr.Crackpots Book of the Damned' He had dropped the shocked expression from before and now matched Mabel in size of the grin he had, something Ford previously thought impossible.

"We're gonna sacrifice Soos to the dorito god!" Dipper gestured to the statue of a triangle wearing a tophat and bowtie. Its arm extended into the air.

"...Dorito what!? Kids stop this non sense and explain clearly whats going on!"

"Oh it's cool Mr.Pi-I mean Ford. They call it a game! Says it's a Pines classic!"

"Soos I have never once heard of this 'classical Pines family game.'

Dipper rolled his eyes and hugged the book tighter.

"If we satisfy the dorito gods hunger the entire town will have great harvests, plentiful sun and rain, and I'll get extra credit on my report card!"

Ford had had enough. He put his hands on his hips and crouched down to glare at the two kids.

"That is enough! You two put out that fire and slowly lower the rope tell Soos is back on the ground. Do you understa-"

Dipper shoved the book into his mouth.

"Here Ford! Read this so you can understand hellish magic!" He cleared his throat and before Ford could stop him he uttered a spell he seemed to have memorized. "Scaienum vero peccati intinxit in favilla et cinere dorito!"

Soos clued in at that moment. "Wait...what?" and he was engulfed in the flames as they shot up with increased intensity. Dipper and Mabel gave each other a highfive and did a happy little fist bump. Ford spat out the book and screamed out.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Soos blinked once...twice...three times.

The entire room was white except for one door. Seeing no other option he slowly walked towards it. "Hey..dude on the other side....Am I dead? Is this the afterlife? Seeing a surprising lack skeleton guys in robes"

After no response he shrugged and opened it. It appeared to be a bathroom, out of the shower stepped a yellow triangle, towel wrapped around the lower bottom just below the bowtie. He saw Soos and screamed.

Soos screamed.

Bill screamed again.

Soos screamed again.

And thats how they would spend eternity.

Meanwhile

"PRAISE THE CORNCHIP!" Dipper and Mabel chimed out.


End file.
